Where are the grand mothers?

This is one question that often pops out of my mind whenever I see young families, struggling with the humongous responsibilities of making ends meet and raising children. You will agree with me that combining these two in the 21st century is not a walk in the park

Growing up in Sango Ota and Abeokuta, all in Ogun State, I can categorically say that five of every ten firstborns were taken to the Grandmas for some period of time to allow the parents the needed opportunity to either complete their studies or go for some crash courses as prerequisites for their promotions at work.

The Grandmas were available to the extent that you can find up to five or six grandchildren living with them per time.

Our parents were not scared to take up additional jobs, or enroll for more studies; thanks to the ever-available care of the Grandmas, who often times might have to jettison some of their personal targets or goals, and sometimes, businesses, to make sure that the children don’t have any deficiency in the absence of their swamped parents.

Dr Gay Ochiltree in a November 2, 2006 publication titled ‘The changing roles of Grandparents’ opined that ‘’Grandparents, mostly grandmothers, are the major providers of child care for preschool children, particularly for babies and toddlers, when both their parents are in the workforce. Grandparents also help parents with school-age children by picking them up from school, and by caring for them during school vacations.’’

The Grandma it was, that trained the Children to embrace their culture and true religion. Irrespective of the religion your parents practiced, you learned the family’s religion from Grandma; you knew your background, your hometown and your Oriki when you visited Grannie.

Grandmas were at hand to train the grandchildren and they were usually the first to point out the peculiarities in the children, that the busy eyes of the parents might have missed.

The Grandmothers spotted the inner traits of the children, and they tell you, ‘Omo yi nilo amojuto o, o le die’ (This child needs proper monitoring, he/she is tough) or ‘e ma a so omo yi, o dinu’ (Watch this child, he/she is secretive).

The Grandmother spotted the vices in the children before they grow into full blown atrocities, but today, no one notices that Junior pilfers until he starts to shoplift and becomes a truant.

Unlike the Grandmas of today, the Grandmothers of the 70s and 80s didn’t have tall ambitions, they were not away at political rallies or meetings, there were not still working 8-5 and they were not too busy not to receive their Grandchildren at short notice.

What has changed? I earnestly want to know.

The western world calls it Social Support, the Wikipedia describes it as the perception and actuality that one is cared for, has assistance available from other people, and most popularly, that one is part of a supportive social network. These supportive resources can be emotional (e.g., nurturance), informational (e.g., advice), or companionship (e.g., sense of belonging); tangible (e.g., financial assistance) or intangible (e.g., personal advice). Social support can be measured as the perception that one has assistance available, the actual received assistance, or the degree to which a person is integrated in a social network. Support can come from many sources, such as family, friends, pets, neighbors, coworkers, organizations, etc,

And everyone needs it to survive…

We are in the world where the husband and the wife are out from dawn to dusk, leaving the children in the care of lesson teachers or helps who themselves are mostly too busy or careless to provide needed care and upbringing for the children.

The result is the growing rate of delinquents within the society, ill-trained and ill-mannered children who constantly display their misdemeanor to the chagrin of the elders.

 

Ogunjimi, an Ibadan-based journalist, sent this piece