Heart2Heart
Divorce : A new vogue in marriage.
MARRIAGE is no doubt the most essential fact in procreation as ordained by God. It is a divine instruction from God to which all mortals must submit.
Unfortunately, this age long secret institution is now been threatened by gales of divorce which is now an hallmark in the Nigerian Society. Divorce is no respecter of age, sex, colour, creed, social status, religion or any consideration. On this note, it is expedient to look at issues that may leads to divorce and what could be done to check mate the ugly trend by both partners.
However, about 85 percent of married couples in Africa divorce. According to the Africa culture, Divorce is a bad orientation but these days the divorce rate in marriages in Africa has gone high.
The central focus of my remarks will be to explicate the role that marital education, family counseling and related services might play in promoting and strengthen healthy marriages. The rationale is reasonably straight forward, about a third of all children born in Africa each year are born out of wedlock. Similarly, about half of all first marriages end in divorce and children who are single-parented do not enjoy the love of a healthy home unlike children who grow up living in an intact household with both biological parents.
Concern about these trends in out-of-wedlock births and divorce, coupled with the gnawing realities that child poverty is inextricably bound up with family structure. The focus on marriage was met with skepticism by others. Critics argued that marriage was not an appropriate province for government intervention and that income and opportunity structures were much more important factor than family structure.
Although every married couple experience difficulties in their relationships at some time, it is possible to strengthen and rebuild a relation. This leads to the question, why do people go from happily married to divorce? Something happens between the two points and it has very little to do with infidelity or falling out of love and everything to do with the two people who are a party to the marriage.
More so, there is a misguided belief that marriage will make partners happy as if marriage is an entity but something outside us will make it survive and thrive with little input from a husband and wife. Women plan huge weddings; throw bridal showers and go into marriage not having any idea what marriage is. Men find a woman to care for, adore and work to take care of , only to find himself married to someone who only want more and then a little more after that.
Therefore, when both become disillusioned with their marriage, they start looking outside themselves to define the problems in the marriage instead of looking at the situation and asking, “What can I do to make things better?”
It is easier to blame spouse or marriage in general than to take responsibility for how they are living on the inside and what possible changes they may need to make that will allow marriage flourish.
In other words, people are too lazy to do the self-exploration, learn better relationship skills and put the needed personal effort into a marriage. Marriage takes hard work and if you are not committed to working hard a marriage won’t last. Therefore, lack of communication skills in marriage brings about divorce. Pure and simple, people don’t know how to talk to each other and they know less about listening. The most important conversations (like, I love you, thank you, I’m sorry, take care and so on) spouse have with each other are put with little effort and there is zero tolerance listening to their spouse.
Hence, if you can’t communicate, you can’t solve marital problems. The easiest way to build trust in a marital relationship is via open and honest communication skills. If TALKING and LISTENING do not become a habit, there is no hope.
According to Sam Walton, “High expectations are the key to everything” unless of course when we talking about marriage. Expectation and Laziness can go hand in hand when it comes to predicting whether a marriage will end in divorce.
The woman who buys the expensive wedding gown probably also has very high expectation of marriage. Men and women both make a lot of assumptions when it comes to marriage and what to expect from a marriage.
Therefore, marital expectation rarely aligns with the realities of what life is like in marriage. There are chances of divorce but it can be avoided by those who are willing to work hard at marriage, those who know how to effectively communicate and those whose expectations are realistic.
When marriage is going the wrong way, there are ways in turning it around with some ideas to consider.
Your spouse is the best friend you have, you’re a team. Know yourself, without self knowledge you can not be in charge of your own life, without knowing what the other one thinks, you cannot have unity as a couple.
Consider how the responsibilities are divided in your home.
Discipline of children
Chores
finances
Other responsibilities
Sit down and work out what is your biggest problem at present
Lack of respect
Lack of communication
Physical / emotional abuse
Money
Work
Religion children’s conduct relatives
Alcohol / drugs/ gambling
Sex issues
Health
Recreation
*Know the actions that lead to team destruction
Criticism
Blame
Nagging
Yelling
Complaining
Use of silence as punishment
Threatening
*The road to building your marriage
Love
Trust
Support
Encourage
Accept
Be active listening
Remind yourself that things and people change: review and remind yourself this.
Talk to your spouse about the things that you are willing to change in order to make things work. Explain that you want to deal with the issues straight on
Ask for advice: whether you talk to a marriage counselor, family member or friends get advice from several different sources.
Rekindle the romance: spend more time doing things that both like. Focus on what the two of you still have in common. Work on being friends, not just partners.
In conclusion, marriages have to be nurtured, if not, partners fall victim to myriad of problems.
By Ogunkoya Odunayo.
Heart2Heart
Chinese woman stuck in blind date’s house after lockdown
Imagine being on a first date you couldn’t end? That’s what happened to a woman in China whose video blogs about going into a citywide lockdown during a blind date have gone viral.
Over 100 virus cases have been reported in the central Chinese city of Zhengzhou since last week, as China battles to contain multiple local outbreaks of the Delta and Omicron variants.
Parts of the city were abruptly placed under lockdown last Wednesday when a woman surnamed Wang was having dinner at her blind date’s house.
“Just after I arrived in Zhengzhou, there was an outbreak, and his community was put under lockdown and I could not leave,” Wang told Shanghai-based outlet The Paper on Tuesday, adding that she went there for a week-long trip to meet potential suitors.
“I’m getting old now, my family introduced me to ten matches… The fifth date wanted to show off his cooking skills and invited me over to his house for dinner.”
Since then, Wang has posted short videos documenting her daily life in lockdown, which show her date cooking meals for her, doing household chores, and working at his laptop while she sleeps in, according to clips published by local media.
So far it seems romance has yet to blossom during their prolonged date, according to Wang who says she’s looking for a more talkative partner.
“Besides the fact that he’s as mute as a wooden mannequin, everything else (about him) is pretty good,” Wang told The Paper. “Despite his food being mediocre, he’s still willing to cook, which I think is great.”
Wang did not disclose her age or the identity of the man in the videos.
Related hashtags have racked up over six million views on the Twitter-like social media site Weibo by Wednesday.
However, Wang said the recent surge in online attention prompted her to remove the videos.
“Friends have been calling him and I think this has definitely affected his life, so I have taken them down for now,” she said in a video posted Tuesday that was widely republished in Chinese local media.
“Thanks, everyone for your attention… I hope the outbreak ends soon and that my single sisters also find a relationship soon.”
Heart2Heart
UAE issues first civil marriage license for non- muslim couple
The UAE issued its first civil marriage license for a non-Muslim couple, state media reported Monday, as the Gulf country seeks to keep its edge over regional competitors.
The United Arab Emirates — where foreigners make up 90 percent of the approximately 10-million population — has been amending its laws to present itself as a modernising force in a largely conservative region.
The official WAM news agency said a Canadian couple were the first to marry under a new law on the personal status of non-Muslims in the Emirati capital Abu Dhabi.
The move “contributes to the consolidation of Abu Dhabi’s position as a world leading destination for skills and expertise from around the world,” WAM said.
Civil marriage in the Middle East, the birthplace of Islam, Christianity and Judaism, is uncommon and usually conducted under a religious authority of one of the three monotheistic beliefs.
Civil marriages are allowed in Tunisia and Algeria.
While some countries in the region allow civil unions based on certain conditions, some only recognise civil marriages conducted abroad and others not at all.
Late last year, the UAE revamped an array of laws in a social liberalisation drive designed to burnish its progressive brand.
These included lifting a ban on unmarried couples living together, loosening restrictions on alcohol and offering long-term residencies.
Earlier this month, the UAE announced it will move to a Western-style Saturday-Sunday weekend.
Starting on January 1, 2022, the Emirates will become the only Gulf country not to observe weekends from Friday, the Muslim day of prayer, to Saturday.
Competition is hotting up as neighbouring Saudi Arabia, seeking to diversify its oil-reliant economy, aims to turn its capital Riyadh into an international hub.
Saudi Arabia has lifted a ban on women drivers and eased its strict Islamic dress code.
Last year, Riyadh said it would not sign contracts with companies that have their regional headquarters outside the kingdom.
Heart2Heart
Happy posthumous birthday, my husband, best friend – Florence Ajimobi pens emotional message to late hubby
I’m glad to be able to write again. I recently reclined into my shell (guess I’m allowed to sometimes, as a human being) but I just cannot let this season pass without saying how special it is, especially because it is your birthday season. Even death cannot stop me from celebrating you.
December 16 has always been one of my favourite days in the year because it is your day and on this day, the children and I get to show you how much we appreciate you for being the best husband and dad in the world. I promise to continue to celebrate this special day as long as there is breath in me.
I look back at your landmark birthdays and I smile at all the beautiful memories.
Your 40th birthday in 1989 was a very special one. It was the first big party we ever hosted. We also used that opportunity to have the house warming ceremony of our Oluyole house. You never liked to be the centre of attraction and kept complaining about having a party and spending so much money after moving into a new house. I didn’t listen to you and went ahead to celebrate you in my own way. I remember vividly, the blue and white lace dress I made for both of us. You came to me during the party and said “Florie this fabric will be very nice as a bedspread so after the party, you can make my agbada into a bedspread”. I asked you why and you said you wouldn’t wear it again as it was too heavy. I just laughed and walked away. But you did enjoy yourself and that was enough for me.
Your 50th birthday in 1999 was also held in Ibadan. We lived in Lagos at that time but every special day of our lives were celebrated in Ibadan. As usual, I went all out to have a party for you and invited all your friends from Lagos and other parts of the country. You danced so well at the party and you were sprayed a lot of money which I gladly kept for myself. After all, I was the assistant celebrant and planner. You had so much fun and told me after the party “Florie I am now beginning to enjoy your parties”. That actually made me happy.
Your 60th birthday was on another level. That was one party you never complained about. You were a politician and we had to accommodate the politicians as well. We had a big party at the Recreation Centre, Ibadan in 2009. Our children, already grown also invited their friends. I saw a different Abiola and I kept wondering how you accepted the entire party plan without complaining. I remember how your mum (of blessed memory) graced the party with her friends from Gbagi. Her gele was ‘Onile Gogoro’. It was enormous and beautiful. No one needed to be told that Mama was very proud of you. You both even had a mother and son dance (at a birthday party). You were happy and kept saying, “Thank you Florie” even days after the party.
On your 69th birthday, we decided to have a roundtable, as opposed the usual birthday party and during the roundtable, you said, “Florie, this is how I want to celebrate my birthday every year – I don’t want a party, I want something intellectual.” I remember murmuring to myself, ‘here he goes again, Efiko’ but I knew that I would do everything within my power to make it happen again.
The next roundtable on your 70th was organized by the children without any input from us. Initially, you were paranoid about them doing this but at the end of it all you were thrilled at the fact that our children proved that they could handle such an important event on their own. You said, “Florie, now you know my children are not spoilt – they organized this event without us and it is the BEST PARTY ever.” I was elated to see you beaming with joy and most importantly, pride.
I am thankful to God that even without you here, I have the grace and strength to do what I enjoy doing – telling the world how special you are to me and how you will live in my heart forever. Shame on you, Death! You can never kill my LOVE for Abiola Adeyemi Ajimobi.
Then last year, we hosted the first Senator Abiola Ajimobi Foundation (SAAF) Roundtable without you. It was tough but God remained faithful. I cried that morning when I went to the venue to make sure everything was fine. I kept saying to myself, “what will Abiola say?”, “what will Abiola do?” My Abiola was a perfectionist. I am grateful to God that the event went even better than I expected. Thank God for the great support system I have. I couldn’t believe that same venue which was filled with so much joy the previous year was where we were celebrating your posthumous birthday , but who am I to question God?
As we prepare to celebrate you on your 72nd posthumous birthday roundtable, I want to reiterate and reaffirm that you were the best thing that ever happened to me.
You were my perfect man,
My best friend,
My hero!
I will forever love you and hold you in my heart.
Life has not been easy for me and the children without you, but we will continue to hold on firmly to GOD.
Rest on, my ever selfless, loving, caring, protective, dependable and romantic best friend. If there is reincarnation, I will choose you over and over again as my husband.
I love you and I miss you.
Happy Birthday my best friend and soul mate.
Your Masterpiece of Nature,
FFA.
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