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The Day I Almost Died In An ‘Action Movie’ | By Olawale Sadare

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Until mid 1980s, the Nigerian Army 2nd Mechanized Division was located where we now have the headquarters of Ibadan North East Local Government council. What used to be an Army barracks harboured offices, training grounds, shooting ranges, orchards and other military facilities including a Mammy market and Army Children’s Schools which I attended between 1982 and 1988 after I had been made to waste two years in some formal elementary schools.

For every pupil of that particular school in those days, the fear of a single military man (Sergeant Shittu) was the beginning of wisdom though it came to a point that he had to be supported by another discipline czar and flogging wizard (Sergeant Segun). The duo could instil discipline on a lifeless body as it were but trust school children, we would still beat them to it on several occasions as we would be found wanting in one way or the other. Our popular criminal offences included; coming late to school, overstaying on the soccer pitch after break time, wandering aimlessly around, entering swampy farmland close to BCOS (Ile-Akede) fence to harvest sugarcane which belonged to unknown farmers, engaging in fights with fellow pupils, disturbing the peace of the classrooms, being found in company of domestic thieves among other juvenile ‘crimes’.

I started a new life in School 1 (1982) and later School 12 (Afternoon session), School 6 and finally School 5. In all of this, I had the privilege of being taught by the best hands who included Mr. Babalola, Mrs Jegede, Mrs Akinwale, Mrs Sadare (not a relation), Mrs Ojo, Mrs Olayinka, Miss Hassan, Mr Aluko, Mrs Abolade, Mrs Olanrewaju, Mr Ayorinde, Mrs Osunkunle, Mrs Olagunju (our Quintessential Headmistress) and many others. There was a day my late cousin (Sade) found a new N20 note inside a gutter on our way to school and seven of us (including two aunties who became grannies long ago) shared from the largesse satisfactorily. Oh, Sade could discover lost money hidden beneath the lowest layer of soil or rock pedestal… May her gentle soul rest in peace.

It was about this time that two female teachers fought a colleague of theirs over me. It was getting to the end of the academic session and we must act the Jesus play. Mrs Olayinka (Mommy Gbenga) wanted a brilliant me to act Jesus but the other two teachers opposed her vehemently. “A Wasiu with tribal mark can never be our own Jesus Christ… It is not about being brilliant and smart please”, one of them had thundered. I ended up acting one of the three wise men who later delivered ‘Wura, Turari ati Ojia’ to the one they anointed to replace me after the first day practice which I did very well. Meanwhile, I can still recognize the two haters if I come across them tomorrow and I would not say more than this here. Lol.

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Yes, how can I forget an amoeba-like female teacher whose main hobby was to fish out witches and possessed female pupils who she would parade around for several hundreds of people to identify and begin to ostracize them? How can I forget a day when pupil Dominic raped a female colleague and was caught in the act? How can I forget Ebenezer, Dare Adeonigbagbe and others from School 1 who would always lay claim to the good portion of the biggest soccer pitch? How can I forget a day when Baruwa broke the arm of Ade to show the then garrulous mates from School 1 that we in other Schools were no second class citizens? How can I forget the mad rush for Akara Iyadunni, Ice Kongi, Eekanna Asa, Eja Dindin, Tabataba? How can I forget that the whole of Oluyoro High School was relocated to a segment of our expansive school land and rechristened Army Barracks Grammar School in 1985?

Before the final relocation of the Nigerian Army 2nd Mechanized Division from Iwo Road to Odogbo, we the pupils of Army Children’s School used to feel like children of soldiers not only because we had classrooms and play fields inside the barracks but also due to the fact that the men in uniform would do anything to make us have care and discipline. However, wandering and loose movement around their offices and strategic was totally prohibited as only pupils whose dad or mom was a military man or civilian personnel could go near such places with proper identification. But I use to follow the like of Akibu Bello, Felix Sareowo, Samsideen Raji, Ezesobor Omoikhudu, Cliff Ejatewvho and few others who had access to the whole place since their parents were Officers and staff. Adamu and Shuaib were typical Barrack boys who used to take me along whenever they needed to visit their dad who was a soldier. The two brothers were Hausa and they were popular for some elementary physical magical displays as pupils.

Now the real gist here, Mrs Abolade was my class teacher at Primary 4 and she was an excellent woman who knew how to impart knowledge into her pupils. There were concrete structures arranged lane by lane with each building having two blocks of classrooms. By that time, most of these buildings had had some of their parts vandalized by some enfant terrible who were pupils of the same school. These devilish kids would not go home after school hour but stay back to do all sort of repugnant things. They destroyed wooden doors and windows, broke ceilings, dug holes on buildings and shattered the cemented floors of most of the classrooms.

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The same set of mannerless children were also in the habit of forcing their way into any classroom and mess up the either the floor or pieces of furniture with faeces as it were. This became the case immediately soldiers were made to relocate from our school environment and all shades of acts of indiscipline began to raise their ugly heads among the school population and the neighboring communities.

Anytime we reported for class in a new day and teachers or pupils began to perceive obnoxious odour of faeces, we would have to clear the mess first before normal classwork would start. Boys would fetch water for girls to do the cleansing while teachers would stay away until the foul odours were totally gone. Rather than abate, the shameful development continued as some of us (pupils) later saw it as an opportunity to ‘escape academic work’. Sad enough, the ‘invisible’ culprits raised their game and took to climbing the ceilings to defecate. This posed a new challenge as only boys could make it into the ceilings to do the evacuation of faeces.

On a particular Thursday, we marched down into the classroom from the Assembly Ground only to be confronted with offensive smell. We embarked on a fruitless search to locate where the human waste products were deposited but we could not find anything in any of the lockers, desks and containers on the ground. Then, the two female teachers picked about seven good boys to move up into the ceilings and bring down the ‘substances’. With automatic alacrity, we found our way into the dark arena where there was insufficient fresh air to breathe in. We acted as expected by breaking the points where the mountains of faeces were deposited and those on ground started received same in batches. Those bad boys must have come in their threes or fours to perpetrate the evil act.

But rather than come down after we had got rid of the whole mess, we decided to stage an action movie. The seven of us began a hide-and-seek expedition inside the ceilings. Each one of us turned a gunman and started to shoot at each other by matching two fingers together, pointing same at one another and shoot to ‘kill’. One would shoot his ‘enemy’ and when the victim refused to show a sign of being hit by a ‘bullet’, the one who ‘pulled the trigger’ would say in hush tone; “mo ti pa e joor!” and other person would reply; “iro ni, emi ni mo koko yinbon fun e joor”. This ‘action movie’ continued for about five minutes and those on the ground floor didn’t know anything.

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Going forward, I thought about what to do to become the ‘Actor’ who can never die in a film and I moved to the darkest part inside the ceilings. In the process of trying to hide at a safe ‘place’, I left the log path for an unsupported ceiling plate platform and before anyone could call ‘Jack’… the plate paved way and I fell from the roof top only to land on the five-step stair case at the entrance of our classroom. I came down heavily, landed on my head and hit my occiput on the sharp edge of a step. Confusion ensued in the whole school environment but I was able to get help immediately from some medics. All the films actors were asked to come with their parents but it was only me who didn’t bring anyone. They beat me until they got tired… Until about 12 years later, that part of my head would pose a medical challenge and this caused my mom a lot of stress. The scar is still feasible till tomorrow and if you like, look out for it whenever you meet me in town!

 

Wasiu Olawale Sadare, Journalist and Media Consultant writes from Ibadan, Oyo state

 

 

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Opinion

OYO101: ADELABU— When will this generational ‘UP NEPA’ chant stop?| By Muftau Gbadegesin

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The Minister of Power, Oloye Bayo Adelabu, has apologized for lashing out at Nigerians over poor energy management.

I hope Nigerians, especially our people from Oyo state, forgive and overlook his Freudian slip. Given that apology, I believe the minister has realized his mistakes and will subsequently act accordingly. In days that followed the minister’s vituperation, many otherwise cool-headed and easy-going observers quickly joined the band of critics and cynics. By the way, what BAND do you think those critics belonged to?

Plus, how best do you describe kicking someone who is down already? The flurry of condemnation that followed Oloye Adelabu’s ‘AC-Freezer’ sermon must have surprised and shocked him. Instead of sticking to his prepared speech, he decided to dash off by telling Nigerians some home truth. Quite amusingly, the truth, it turns out, is not the truth Nigerians want to hear. And as they say, ‘There is your truth, my truth, and the Truth.’ The fact is that Nigerians are angry at many things, the sudden hike in electricity tariff being one.

Perhaps the Minister’s press conference, an avenue to calm fraying nerves and address critical issues, quickly congealed into an arena for an intellectual dogfight – if you watch the video, you will hear the murmur that rented the air the moment that terse statement was uttered. While some influencers tried to downplay the minister’s jibe, they were instead flogged in their whitewashing game. Frankly, I am not interested in the minister and the energy management brouhaha. What I am indeed interested in is what the ministry and minister are doing to restore light in a country where darkness has permeated much of its landscape – don’t mind the confusion the minister and the ministry have created to disrupt the conversation around that vital sector of the economy.

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‘Up NEPA’, Lol

Trust Nigerians. When the defunct National Electric Power Authority failed to end the perennial and persistent darkness in the country, it was ironically dubbed ‘Never Expect Power Always.’ And when the company morphed into PHCN, Nigerians berated the name change, saying the company would hold more power than it would release. True to that assumption, PHCN indeed held more power than it gave to the people.

Then, in 2013, Nigerians woke up to the news of DISCOs, GENCOS, GASCOs, and so on. DISCOs for distribution companies, GENCOs for generating companies, and Gascos for gas suppliers. Of all these critical value chains, only DISCOs were handed down to private enterprises. Think of IBEDC, AEDC, IEDC, BEDC, etc. Unfortunately, the privatization of the distribution chain hasn’t transformed the sector’s fortune for good. More interested in the money but less motivated to do the dirty work of revamping the infrastructure.

Like a typical Nigerian in a ‘band E’ environment, I grew up chanting the ‘Up NEPA’ mantra whenever power is restored at home – and I am not alone in this mass choir. As a rural boy, the ‘Up NEPA’ chant is etched into our skulls from time immemorial. Sometimes, you can’t even tell when you start to join the chorus; you only know that you say it automatically and auto-magisterially. Many years down the lane, the persistent power cuts, blackouts, and grid collapses have worsened. And under Minister Adelabu, power supply, based on my little experience, has never reached this depressing point in history.

As a content creator, I can tell you Oloye Adelabu may likely go down in history as the most inconsequential minister of power unless something drastic is done to restore people’s confidence and bring about a steady, stable, frequent, and regular power supply. You may have seen on social media how most Nigerians who migrated abroad often find it difficult to shed that ‘Up NEPA’ chant from themselves once a power cut is fixed in those countries. Like the rest of their countrymen, they have internalized that mantra. Only after they’ve acclimatized to their new environment would they become healed of that verbal virus ultimately.

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‘Adelabu, end this chant’

This is a challenge. In my column welcoming Oloye Adelabu into the critical ministry of power, I asked a rhetorical question: Can Adelabu end the penkelemesi in the power sector? In Nigeria, is there any other economic sector troubled by multidimensional and multifaceted peculiar messes than the power sector? Adelabu’s grandfather, Adegoke Adelabu, was nicknamed Penkelemesi. History has it that the colonial masters, tired of that Ibadan politician, decided to describe him in the punchiest way possible: a peculiar mess. Quickly, a peculiar mess spread across like wildfire: the white men have described Adegoke as a peculiar mess. Translated to Yoruba, we have Penkelemesi. In retrospect, the minister must have realized the situation he met on the ground is better than what is obtainable now. He needs to own up, chin up, and take full responsibility for this total blackout.

‘Minister Fashola’

Babatunde Fashola, SAN is a clever man. For four years as minister of power, he avoided cutting controversy. But long before he was appointed, he had stirred quite an expectation around fixing the rot in the sector. He had jokingly said his party, the APC, would resolve the crisis of perennial blackout in one fell swoop. He categorically gave a timeline of when Nigerians in the cities and villages will start to enjoy regular power supply: six months. After four years of setbacks, Minister Fashola was forced to eat his vomit: the power crisis in Nigeria is deep-seated and chaotic. Oloye Adelabu has made more enemies than friends in less than a year. The minister may survey his performance among Nigerians to test this hypothesis. The truth is the truth. The mismatch between the minister’s area of competence and his assigned portfolio hasn’t helped matters as well. And this is a cavity many of his critics and traducers are banking on.

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For the first time in decades, Adelabu stands on the threshold of history: will he end this generational ‘UP NEPA’ chant once and for all? Time will tell.

OYO101 is Muftau Gbadegesin’s opinion about issues affecting the Oyo state. He can be reached via @muftaugbade on X, muftaugbadegesin@gmail.com, and 09065176850.

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Yahaya Bello: Do we need to prosecute ex-govs?

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I followed the drama of unimaginable scenes that unfolded in Abuja last week, as the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission(EFCC) moved to arrest and arraign the immediate past governor of Kogi State, Alhaji Yahaya Bello, in respect of alleged mismanagement of funds. I called it a drama of unimaginable scenes because the EFCC had laid siege to the house since very early in the day, knowing that its target, the “White Lion of Kogi State” was holed up somewhere in the compound.

But before the very eyes of the EFCC operatives, the man they had waited all day to catch, just slipped off their hands effortlessly. They claimed that he was rescued by his cousin, the incumbent governor of the state, Usman Ododo, who is protected by constitutional immunity. But EFCC lawyers would claim that Section 12 of the Administration of Criminal Justice Act (ACJA) empowers the body to break into houses to effect arrest.

Maybe that’s a story for another day. But it was surprising they didn’t think of that option. Bello was said to have stayed put in the Government House Lokoja since indication emerged that the EFCC was on his trail. So the easiest thing for the Kogi governor to do was to drive into the troubled house and then fish out a troubled cousin.

The Yahaya Bello saga is just the latest drama between the EFCC and former governors. Some time ago, we witnessed the Ayo Fayose drama. The former Ekiti State governor, whom EFCC was unable to arrest while in office put up some drama when he arrived at EFCC’s office wearing a branded ‘T’ shirt with the inscription: “EFCC I’m here.” Some of his loyalists helped him with things he needed to use in the EFCC detention.

Aside from that, we have also witnessed the Willie Obiano saga. The former governor of Anambra State was accused of misappropriating the state’s funds and has since been taken to court. Immediately after handing over the reins of power in Awka, the man had planned to jet out of the country but had to be stopped as EFCC operatives grabbed him at that exit point. We were also witnesses to the back and forth between the former Governor Abdulaziz Yari of Zamfara State and the EFCC. The commission had accused Yari of mismanaging billions of Naira and moved to arraign him.

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There were accusations and counter-accusations until Yari landed in the Senate, and things became quiet. The drama between the ex-Imo State governor, Rochas Okorocha, was interesting while it lasted. The commission had laid siege to the residence and eventually entered through the roof. We saw a terrified Okorocha and his household, praying fervently for God’s intervention as operatives jumped in to grab their suspect.

The list I have above is by no means exhaustive of the dramatic exchanges between the EFCC and some former governors accused of one financial misdeed or the other in recent years. One thing is, however, common to all the cases, after the the initial bubbles, the whole thing dies down as the retreating waves. Next to nothing is heard of the cases as the neck-breaking snail-speed of the nation’s judicial system takes over. Year after year, it is about one injunction or the other. Many of the accused had gone ahead to seek elective posts and won, many others have taken appointments and the law cannot stop them from utilising the benefits of the allegedly looted resources to gain an advantage since our laws presume individuals innocent until proven guilty.

The books of the EFCC and the Independent Corrupt Practices and Other Related Offences Commission (ICPCC) are full of such individuals who have allegations of hundreds of billions of Naira hanging on their necks. Many of them are busy swinging the official chairs in government offices as we speak. God forbid, one of such should, gain control of the nation’s presidency one day!

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Well, to forestall such a scary development, I think we need an antidote to these endless anti-corruption trials. The endless trial is not just a drain on the energy of the lady justice. It drills a gaping hole in the state’s resources as well. Imagine the legal charges the state incurs in taking several cases through the layers of courts. It is also possible some of the accused, who are innocent of the accusation could die in the process of trials and thus carry an unnecessary burden of guilt (at least in the eyes of the public) into their graves. The late governor of Oyo State, Otunba Adebayo Alao-Akala was able to win his case against the EFCC after 13 years, he died not long after the ‘not guilty’ verdict was pronounced. Former President of the Senate, Adolphus Wabara was also on the bribe-for-budget case preferred against him for more than ten years. Luckily, he was alive to receive his ‘not guilty’ verdict as well. Some may not be that lucky.

To stem this tide of seemingly endless trials of politically exposed persons, I want to suggest amendments to the EFCC and ICPC Acts to lay much premium on thorough and discreet probes of financial crimes rather than dump the results of the investigations in the court, the suspects should be called in and shown the traces of the illegally taken funds and their destinations. If the suspect is ready to refund at least two-thirds of the stolen funds to the coffers of the government, the agency involved, under the supervision of a competent court, could sign an irrevocable non-disclosure agreement and collect the funds into a special basket created for that purpose and which will be used for infrastructural development.

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Such an agreement should also take care of any possible penchant for grandstanding by any politician who could mount the podium one day and claim never to have been indicted of financial crimes. As much as the government would not waste time and resources prosecuting him or her, he should also be barred from active politics and playing godfather roles. If we do this, we will not only save time and resources, but we will get back a sizeable amount of the looted funds into government coffers for developmental purposes.

By Taiwo Adisa

This piece was first Published By Sunday Tribune, April 21, 2024.

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Tinubu’s Naira Miracle: Abracadabra or Economic Wizardry? | By Adeniyi Olowofela

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Prior to assuming the presidency of Nigeria, Asiwaju Bola Ahmed Tinubu garnered the confidence of the majority of Nigerians with the promise of rescuing the country’s economy from the impending disaster it faced.

For the past 43 years, the Naira has been steadily depreciating against the Dollar, as illustrated in Figure One.

The graphs below unequivocally depict the exponential rise of the Naira against the Dollar from 1979 to 2022. This sustained upward trend would have theoretically resulted in the Naira reaching 2,500 Naira to one Dollar by now.

 

 

This situation led some individuals to hoard dollars in anticipation of profiting from further devaluation of the Naira.

However, under President Bola Tinubu’s leadership, the Nigerian federal government successfully halted the expected decline of the Naira.

The Naira has appreciated to 1,200 Naira to a Dollar (Figure 2), contrary to the projected 2,500 Naira to one Dollar, based on the exponential pattern observed in Figure One.

This achievement demonstrates unprecedented economic prowess. If this trajectory continues, the Naira may appreciate to 500 Naira against 1 Dollar before the conclusion of President Bola Tinubu’s first term in 2027.

While the purchasing power of the average Nigerian remains relatively low, there is a palpable sense of hope on the rise.

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It is hoped that the Economic Team advising the President will continue their efforts to stabilize the economy and prevent its collapse until Nigeria achieves economic prosperity.

The government’s ability to reverse the Naira’s free fall within a year can be likened to a remarkable feat, reminiscent of a lizard falling from the top of an Iroko tree unscathed, then nodding its head in self-applause.

Mr. President, we applaud your efforts.

 

Prof. Adeniyi Olowofela, the Commissioner representing Oyo State at the Federal Character Commission (FCC), writes from Abuja.

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